Made to be Broken
by Traitors Daughter
Summary: Thom reflecting on a lost life with Moiraine after he lies broken and dying in battle. Songfic.


**Thom reflecting on a lost life with Moiraine after he lies broken and dying in battle.**

**Disclaimer: Well… it isn't mine. Is it yours? No? Then whom on earth could it belong to? Seriously though, if you really need to know whom the Wheel of Time Series belongs to, there is very little chance you will understand any of this, so by using the handy back button in the corner… you can find something better to read… OK? But if you do know that it was written by Robert Jordan, then please stay, and read for that matter. **

**I also don't own the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls either… just incase you hadn't guessed already.**

**Dedication: I want to dedicate this to all my friends and reviewers… (You know who you are) For being so supportive of my work and my strange writing hours.**

**o-o-o-o-o**

The battle had only lasted this long because of Mats skill as a general and leader, but they were losing, tactics could only avail them so much. The shadow spawn was slowly but surely defeating the small band of the read hand. An agonising pain occurred in Thom's stomach, the numbness reached quickly and soon only sight and sound remained, all sense of touch or pain removed. Strangely, as life bled out all his thoughts were concentrated on the past, the bands hour of need forgotten in the enormity of Thom's wound. Death was certain now. _Death has always been certain. _The truth rocked home, he had lived a life of love women and travelling. Morgase; he had cared deeply for her, a lonely queen who needed someone to believe in her. But there was Moiraine, the only woman he had ever loved, and he had thrown her away. She was dead now, they would be together again. But Thom didn't want to die, he wanted Moiraine to touch his face as he kissed her, he wanted to hold her in endless nights of lovemaking. He wanted her.

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
cause I know that you feel me somehow  
you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now

The stomach wound carries on bleeding incessantly into the ground, the dryness of Thom's mouth became more pronounced as death approached. _Nothing is forever, Moiraine would have been the first to tell me that. _She would have told him that everything ends, and life is over sooner than we think. Thom's breath rattled, lifeblood still rolling into the earth. He could remember years as a child, running in th fields with his family, his first kiss, his first lover, and many after her, he could remember playing songs to the now Queen of Andor as she dribbled in her crib, he played stones with her mother and lost as easily as he won. But Moiraine he remembered most, when she walked into the Wine spring inn after so long, the sight of her beautiful face, the love in her eyes, quickly masked by calm. He could smell the fragrance she wore and feel the light blue silk under his hands. _Life is over too soon._

And all I can taste is this moment  
and all I can breathe is your life  
cause sooner or later its over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

Thom suddenly remembered reality, his body lay broken, cut by swords and trampled by trollocs, and death was inevitable, yet he lingered on the brink. His weakness in his heart suddenly gave out, the emotional wall caved in and tears came to his wrinkled eyes. An old man was entitled to a valiant farewell, yet he had no known sons to follow after him, he had no wife to cry as he faded into death, only Moiraine would have remembered him as more than a tool. _I loved her! And I could never have saved her! _Thom didn't want the men to see him die this way, he tried to rise but couldn't, the weight of his armour too heavy for the strength that remained I him. Knowing his face was covered in bloody he reached up and scraped some away, _should Mat win, I don't want to die nameless in a mass grave. I want to be remembered, I want Mat to honour me, and he can't do that if none can see the difference between himself and the dead man that his head rested on._

And I don't want the world to see me  
cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

The tears dried as Thom's need of water increased, the pain and numbness had ebbed, leaving an empty feeling there. Pins and needles had already claimed his legs, travelling up from his feet and ankles. The feeling was unreal, like a dream, where Thom could just wake and everything would be fine. _Only it is not a dream, from this, I cannot wake. _Thom could no longer cry, and his need for release was made more unattainable, the pain in his heart had grown, like a fist in his chest. Breathing was difficult now, his lungs tensed before every breath as he wavered. Life on one side, death on the other. Only life couldn't win forever, death would claim eventually. He had no choice but to wait, paralysis had possessed his body and movement was now only a memory, _breathe in, and breathe out, _Moiraine still flickered at the edge of consciousness, he smile calling him into the dark passages before her. Her ready arms stretched out to take him once more.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
or the moment of truth in your lies  
when everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

Death tingled like fire, feeling came back o his arms and legs, and Thom felt fitter than he had in years. The Pain in the back of his head receded and Moiraine stayed close in his thought. Memory suddenly seemed vastly improved, he saw Moiraine before going to the Tower, her pretty face marred by fear warring with pride. Her hair was as soft as ever and her youthful smile was still without her ageless face. The pale blue stone he had given her so long ago left on the centre of her forehead, moving slightly with every step and breath of the wind. He remembered when he first kissed her smooth lips and ran his hands through her hair in the Carhienien orchards, the leaves surrounding them as autumn made way for winter. He remembered every touch of her inexperienced hands when they first coupled and the panic in her embrace before she left to be Aes Sedai. All of a sudden he no longer embraced death, he wanted to run, run back into the past and let it claim him. _I want life, I want to be young again, so I am free to correct my mistakes and love her, as I should have. _It was my pride that said she would get hurt. He was the one who ended up hurting.

And I don't want the world to see me  
cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

Thom lay there, fighting death with every breath, but he couldn't win. Eventually the rise and fall of his scared and broken chest stopped his lungs heaved their last and eyes stopped blinking. The great Thomdril Merrilin lay broken and beaten in a village in Arafel, his mind no longer ticked with new ideas and scams ready to pull, political intrigue no longer worked its way to his door, and women no longer panicked as their husbands returned early, Thom wasn't in their beds, nor was he plotting intrigues or ideas. Death claims all, not even the great can stay its mighty hold. The forsaken that were foolish enough to hide from death soon discovered, that with no world left to rule, that death and rebirth was the next great adventure. And on the battlefield lay an elderly man; in death he on longer had the twinkle in his eye or the wry smile. He was just a vulnerable old man clasping a note.

"I just want you to know who I am"

**o-o-o-o-o**

**I would really love to get some reviews on this, I'm not entirely sure where I got the idea from… so any comment, good or bad, will be welcomed. So thanks.**

**Best of Luck and keep writing.**

**Hayley**

**xxx**

**P.S. Praying for Robert Jordan. Get better soon.**


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